Simplistic Sneak Peek Ep. 4

On this installment of Simplistic Sneak Peek, Matthew, Justin and DJ take a look at trailers for upcoming television shows including Jack Bauer's 24 return, Damon Lindeloff's HBO show Leftovers, and Michael Bay's...(sigh)...new TNT show The Last Ship.  And just for kicks, the boys keep it on a Michael Bay tip and look at the 2nd trailer for the upcoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie.  I got a "tip" for Michael Bay...stay away from Thundercats, Gargoyles, and Centurions if you know what's good for you, nostalgia killer.  Anyway, you can check out the links to these trailers below if you haven't seen them, then click the video above to see Matthew, Justin, and DJ's thoughts about them.

 24: Live Another Day Trailer

The Leftovers Trailer

The Last Ship Trailer

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Trailer #2

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Simplistic TV: The Blacklist: Premiere Episode

FILLING

There were two shows I'd been pining to see all summer.  One stars a resurrected S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent.  The other stars Alan F%*KING Shore.  After watching the premiere of the latter, all I can say is this.  Not since Kiefer Sutherland's 24 has there been a television show that is as pulpy, intense, humorously ridiculous, and just plain fun as NBC's The Blacklist.  A show centered around a character larger than life.  Larger than the show he's on.  A character that rights the ship no matter how bonkers or predictable the situation may be.  That was Kiefer Sutherland.  That was 24.  That is now James Spader.  That is now The Blacklist.  A show that is FILLING that hole in your heart that you don't like to admit you have.  The hole that enjoys the hell out of a show that wants to be fun.

Understand that 24 was a television event when it premiered back in 2001.  It was a show primarily based on a gimmick.  Twenty-four episodes a season, for one hour, played in real time, all equaling one day.  People watched in droves because the concept hadn't been done before.  However, something changed after season 3.  Oh, the show kept its format.  However, people stopped flocking to watch it for the concept alone.  They flocked to it because of the craziness.  They flocked to it to see how the show would push the envelop that week.  They flocked to it to see what insane thing Jack Bauer would do to someone next.  The show became a guilty pleasure that people weren't that guilty about.  The Joe Carnahan directed pilot for The Blacklist is eerily reminiscent of the 24 I used to love.  You see all the punches coming, but are still giddy when they land.  What surprises there are border on unrealistic, but you still gasp when they happen.  And OH BOY is there a character in it that chews up the scenery.  So, what's it about already?

An infamous American traitor, missing for decades, shows up one day at FBI headquarters and turns himself in.  He offers the government a list of dangerous terrorists plotting against the country.  His only request is that he'll spill what he knows to a rookie FBI profiler.   Not as experimental a concept as 24.  However, I think the series producers understand what they want to be.  They want to be that 4th season of 24 right out the gate.  They understand that what made 24 great was the outrageous situations and the crazy plot twists and of course the larger than life character.

To be honest, this review was essentially a test to see how long I could go without gushing over the sardonic brilliance of James Spader.  He is such a great choice for this character.  Raymond Reddington is essentially the bizarro Jack Bauer.  A man who talks when he should act and acts when he should talk.  A man always two steps ahead of every situation.  A man, I'm not afraid to say, plays the Hannibal Lecter role better than the man playing the Hannibal Lecter role on fellow NBC show Hannibal.  If there was one reason and one reason only to watch The Blacklist, James Spader's performance is that reason.  You can just see the potential for great stuff to come with him.  Lets hope writer Jon Bokenkamp can give him as good of material as David E. Kelly did.  Because this show will go as far as Spader's character takes it.  Relative newcomer Megan Boone is fine in the role of FBI profiler Elizabeth Keene.  What you hope for, chemistry-wise, is if she can hold her own well enough with Spader.  The man does have the potential to act you right off the screen.  Boone has her moments and will hopefully gain more strength as the show goes on.  I'd say something about Henry Lennix, but he is essentially playing the same role he plays in every single thing he's in.  "Bland Man In Charge."  Diego Klattenhoff is a bit of a cold fish as well, but who cares?  It's Spader's show.

Blacklist is a show that FILLS the void left by shows like 24 and Alias.  Shows that are aware of their flaws, but use them in a way that somehow amplifies their fun.  It is a void that needed to be filled and that networks have been trying to fill for years now.  Don't believe me?  Fox is already trying to bring back 24 one last time after their movie plans for the show went belly up.  Until that day, The Blacklist will serve as a more than adequate placeholder.  Slap on a fedora...stay away from ballpoint pens...watch it...then tell me I'm wrong.

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The Simplistic Reviews March Madness Bracket of Good and Evil Elite 8 Results: TV GOOD

JACK BAUER (1)

BUFFY SUMMERS (2) WINNER

In one corner; the protector of black presidents, Chinese torture survivor, and a guy that shoots Robocop's wife to obtain information that might save the U.S. from a nuclear attack.  In the other corner; slayer of vampires, demons, aliens, and other evil entities that look to take over the world, while doing all of this before cheerleading practice.  In the battle between two of TV's most bad-ass heroes, it came down to a razor-thin margin.  Ms. Summers was able to drive the final stake through Jack Bauer's heart to bring home the TV Hero Championship to Sunnydale.  Just one too many bad days for old Jack.

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The Simplistic Reviews March Madness Bracket of Good and Evil Sweet 16 Results: TV GOOD

JACK BAUER (1) WINNER

XENA (5)

You know, even against a demi-god I don't find it hard to believe Jack Bauer would find a way to win.  His bloodlust is probably on par if not more so than the warrior princess.  The same with his rage.  The more I think about it, are we certain Jack isn't the God of war?

BUFFY SUMMERS (2) WINNER

RAYLAN GIVENS (3)

Raylan's southern charm and steely stare is ineffective against The Slayer.  Mainly because of Raylan's weakness for hot blondes.  His ex-wife Winona, His ex-girlfriend Ava, that con artist bartender, and now Buffy.  All those girls have gotten the best of Raylan in one way or another.  However, Buffy is the only one badass enough to jam a wooden stake through the side of that Stetson.  

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The Simplistic Reviews March Madness Bracket of Good and Evil Round Two Results: TV BAD

JOFFREY BARATHEON (1) 

CERSEI LANNISTER (8) WINNER

The only lady that could open hand slap the king and get away with it was Cersei Lannister.  Killing him isn't that far a step.  And seeing as she already has one king on her kill resume, it would be easy for her to kill another.   Sadly, its less depraved killing Joffrey than explaining the circumstances of how he was conceived.  (SHIVER)

BEN LINUS (2) WINNER

ANGELUS (7)

People underestimate Ben Linus at their own peril.  He's stared into the eyes of the smoke monster and lived.  A vampire is small potatoes to this master manipulator.  

RUSSELL EDGINGTON (3) 

TRINITY KILLER (6) WINNER

Much props for Edgington reminding us how an ACTUAL vampire is supposed to act. (I'M LOOKING AT YOU TWILIGHT).  However, serial killers, unlike vampires, can hide in plain sight.  No one sees them coming.

BOYD CROWDER (5) WINNER

NINA MYERS (4)

In the battle of smooth talking snakes in the grass, Boyd Crowder wins hands down.  He's a man that uses twenty words when three will do.  Sometimes to confuse you.  Sometimes to buy himself time to outwit you.  But always to win.  There isn't a con you can lay on him that he hasn't seen, done himself or done better.  

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The Simplistic Reviews March Madness Bracket of Good and Evil Round Two Results: TV GOOD

JACK BAUER (1) WINNER

TYRION LANNISTER (9)

Well, you can add midget to the magna carta long kill list of people Jack Bauer has sent to the next world.  All he needs is a wizard, a dinosaur, and a unicorn and he gets a free smoothie.

BUFFY SUMMERS (2) WINNER

SHERLOCK HOLMES (7)

Much to the objection of fellow British smarty pants Giles, Buffy takes care of the world's greatest detective with relative ease.  Somewhere Moriarty is slapping his forehead muttering, "You're telling me all I needed was a stake?!"

TITUS PULLO (6)

RAYLAN GIVINS (3) WINNER

Pullo has Raylan beat physically, but Raylan could easily out think the rugged Roman warrior.  Knowing that Raylan has to deal with people as big and physically imposing a Titus F%*king Pullo on a daily basis makes me NEVER want to go to Kentucky.

XENA (5) WINNER 

OMAR LITTLE (4)

Omar may have been warring on the mean streets of Baltimore for his entire life, but Xena has been warring around uncivilized lands filled with wizards, gods, and god knows what else.  Oh and speaking of warring, it has been speculated that Xena's father was actually Ares.  Ares as in THE GOD OF F%*KING WAR.  Sorry Omar, its all in the game.

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The Simplistic Reviews March Madness Bracket of Good and Evil Round One Results: TV BAD

JOFFREY BARATHEON (1) WINNER

ATTI OF THE JULII (16)

Atti gets whatever she want by using the gift god gave her.  Her potent sexuality.  However, brat Baratheon usually doesn't take kindly to people using sex as a weapon on him.  Just as Tyrion and those badly beaten whores he sent Joff's way.  Baratheon wins...Atti dies.

BEN LINUS (2) WINNER 

THE GOVERNOR (15)

The Governor is a brutal master manipulator.  But where he has to juggle the wills of men and zombies, Ben Linus has even more on his plate.  Smoke monsters, polar bears, shapeshifting evil beings, time traveling islands,  and enough flashbacks to make a Vietnam vet blush.  On top of the fact that The Governor wasn't coldhearted enough to let his zombie daughter go.  Linus let his human daughter get her head blown off for his own purposes.  Linus wins and The Governor lost.

RUSSELL EDGINGTON (3) WINNER

GUS FRING (14)

When you get down to brass tacks, Russell Edgington and Gus Fring are both businessmen.  Only one wants to rule the human race and drain the blood of every non-vampire like cattle, and one wants to sell chicken and meth; easy enough to understand.  While both these bloodsuckers are master manipulators, Fring forgot one thing;  Edgington is FU*KING IMMORTAL!  Maybe if that meth was laced with silver nitrate and oak he would have had a chance, but Russell takes his battle easily.

NINA MYERS (4) WINNER

SYLAR (13)

There isn't a superpower out there that can compete with the evil of the 24's biggest snake in the grass, Nina Myers.  The thing that makes her so deadly is that you never see her coming.  Jack Bauer didn't and Sylar wouldn't either.  Time runs out for the power sucker.

BOYD CROWDER (5) WINNER

ROBERT QUARLES (12)

A sadist versus a slick, smooth talking, hustler from the south.  Robert Quarles has many a trick and pistol up his sleeve.  However, not enough to out wit and out battle the man I like to call The Redneck Joker.  Boyd manages to get his enemies to do his work for him and disarm Robert Quarles quick and simple like.

TRINITY KILLER (6) WINNER

PRESIDENT CHARLES LOGAN (11)

If there is one thing you can count on its this;  never trust a politician, especially a sniveling liar-of-a-president like Chuck Logan.  I mean, this guy killed our first black TV president for crying out loud!  But how does one sniveler defeat another sniveler?  Giving the Secret Service and the CIA a day off, the Commander in Chief doesn't have a chance against the Trinity Killer.  Using his patented "bludgeon a man to death with a hammer" routine, Trinity wins, and goes off to enjoy a scalding hot shower while crying.

ANGELUS (7) WINNER

SHANE VENDRELL (10)

One of the most dangerous things in this world is a desperate man.  And they don't get more desperate than Shane Vendrell.  However, desperation is exactly the thing a vampire like Angelus would prey on.  Sad thing is, that family Shane is always trying to protect would be an hors d'oeurve for our favorite vain vamp.   Hand grenade won't work this time Shane-O.

CERSEI LANNISTER (8) WINNER

STRINGER BELL (9)

Cersei Lannister knows how to manipulate; just as anyone from the Stark family, if you can find one.  Stringer Bell on the other hand, is a sucker.  While West Baltimore is no King's Landing, Cersei reigns supreme in any domain.

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The Simplistic Reviews March Madness Bracket of Good and Evil Round One Results: TV GOOD

ARYA STARK (16)

JACK BAUER (1) WINNER

If this matchup was based on potential badassery, Arya (SPOILER ALERT FOR THINGS TO COME) would win hands down.  However, Arya is just scratching the surface of being a badass. She's a survivor akin to Matilda in Leon: The Professional (Even here I had to refer to it).  Jack Bauer, on the other hand, has been a badass survivor for years.  Since the closest our country thought we'd get to a black president was the Allstate guy.  And if you think Bauer doesn't have what it takes to put young, sweet Arya down, I recall a time where Jack shot a suspect's wife in the leg in order to convince said suspect to give him a lead.  A lead that didn't even pan out.  He'd have no trouble wiping the floor with our favorite wayward Stark.

MAL REYNOLDS (15)

BUFFY SUMMERS (2) WINNER

In the matchup I call "The Whedon War" our favorite space smuggler...um okay...our second favorite space smuggler Mal Reynolds found himself up against the vampire slaying extraordinaire Buffy Summers.  With their equal wit and back up partners thrown out the window, it would come down to physical prowess and resume.  Buffy has Mal beat with the physical.  And With Firefly lasting barely a season, Mal's body count can't compare with Buffy's resume of a thousand vamps slain, including her true love and DRACULA, hellmouths closed, demons decapitated, werewolves whacked, cyborgs stopped, inter-dimensional beings beaten, singing succeeded, and a triumph over the first evil EVER.  Buffy stakes her claim to victory.  And no the result have nothing to do with the fact I've had the hots for Sarah Michelle Gellar since I Know What You Did Last Summer. 

RAYLAN GIVENS (3) WINNER

DARYL DIXON (14)

Nobody loves a redneck good ol' boy until the zombie apocalypse hits.  When it does, it pays to have an ass kicking guy like Daryl Dixon by your side.  However, someone like Daryl Dixon is the type of guy US Marshall Raylan Givens HANDLES on a day to day basis in Harlan County.  I'd love to see the snark off before the shoot out alone.  However, Raylan dispatches Daryl lickety split.

OMAR LITTLE (4) WINNER

B.A. BARACUS (13)

Really?  The only two black guys in this conference go against each other?!  As the lone black reviewer for Simplistic Reviews, I would be offended if it wasn't for the fact THIS IS THE ONE MATCHUP I'D ACTUALLY PAY TO SEE.  Baracus is, by name alone, a badass.  However, he still has the discipline to follow Hannibal's orders.  Omar Little don't follow no one but Omar Little.  Hell, even the President loves him.  Now, you can either be a soldier, or you can go out to the streets and get into some real gangsta sh*t.  In the immortal words of Omar Little himself, "Indeed."

XENA (5) WINNER

RICK GRIMES (12)

Seeing as for the first three seasons of Walking Dead, all Rick Grimes did was get run over and guilt tripped to death by his despicable wife, how long do you think he'd last against A WARRIOR F*%KING PRINCESS.  Xena doesn't eat his brains but does eat his lunch.

TITUS PULLO (6) WINNER

RON SWANSON (11)

One is a savage,  no nonsense, barbarian of a man who is more comfortable wielding an axe in an ancient Colosseum than listening to the dodderings of the heads of state.  The other is Titus Pullo.  Ron Swanson was a man born in the wrong century for sure.  However, Pullo is more man than even Ron could handle.  The mustache did give him a fighting chance though.  

KARA "STARBUCK" THRACE (10)

SHERLOCK HOLMES (7) WINNER

Man, I hate to see two of my favorite TV characters go at it.  Starbuck is seriously one of the most groundbreaking female characters television has seen in a while.  She doesn't nearly get the recognition she deserves.  The best thing about Kara, however, is the worst thing.  She leads with her emotions at all times.  Something the world's greatest detective could easily exploit.  And unless your last name is Adler, your feminine wiles aren't working on good ol' Sherlock.  Sherlock wins...no sh*t. 

TYRION LANNISTER (9) WINNER

MICHAEL WESTEN (8)

The conference's first and only upset comes from the House of Lannister.  Michael Westen and Tyrion Lannister are great at thinking on the fly and surviving with whatever means they can muster.   However, Michael has been a sucker for manipulation from the beginning.  And no one manipulates better than Tyrion.  I'm not even gonna think of what he'd do to Fiona.  With the betting public in a frenzy this month, it is a good thing that a Lannister always pays his debts. 

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